Melbourne is the setting for this week’s shenanigans. Our collective was coming down peacemeal from the north to spend a long weekend split between ill advised nutrition and medicinal liquids. Melbourne and I are on a first name basis, however at times navigating the alleyways is like trying to find the bathroom in the middle of night at a stranger’s house.
An e
arly morning flight saw the lucky lady in 8D score a seat located next to me. Middle aged lady whose son is a local plumber, we literally talked shit until the landing gear was engaged at Tullamarine. The only drama on the flight was my travelling companion who cut his finger before check-in, the resulting haemorrhage stained his only pair of long pants. He doubled down on the bad luck when he blew a shoe boarding the plane. Don’t ask me how, he is one of a kind.
Our first stop was at Lucy Liu, a respected haunt sharing the same name as the Hollywood B+ lister (queue the hatemail from the Liu Crew), that specialies in tasty food and even better times. Various members of our table had been here before. Me, I was a Lucy Lui virgin, unlike her character in Charlie’s Angels. This meant there were a few dishes that were automatic entries into our roster.
What came out, unlike most of her movies, made my day. My friend, now low on blood, kept his spirits high by savouring every mouthful and thinking that the red wine would trick his circulatory system in thinking that it is much needed blood. It seemed to work.
Kingfish sushimi with coconut, basil and good times (refer menu above).
Soft shell crab in a roll.
Korean Fried Chicken Bao (bun). Alledgely served on the set of her movie Payback?
Pork Belly in a chilli sauce with an accompanying accelerated heart rate.
Roasted short ribs in rendang curry. Legend has it that this is based on Lucy’s Mum’s recipie.
Side One: Slaw AKA Cameron Diaz
Side Two: Rice and pickled veg, we nicknamed this one Bill Murray.
The star of the show, slow roasted lamb shoulder. Fortunately we had a butcher at our table who did his best Charlie Teo impression. This came with pancakes and we assembled a feast, as if it was the Alexis Corner Sofa from IKEA.
Bring on the sweets.
Ginger Creme Brulee. The blowtorch on the top was more violent than anything in the Kill Bill franchise.
Chinese Donught with icecream and Coconut overkill. This has been approved by Lucy’s personal physician.
If you find youself at a loose end and a hunger anywhere near Oliver Lane, there is only one option. An elixir that will cure a any ailment other than bunions and hammertoe.
The nightcap on a first night, Cards Against Humanity, the politically incorrect game where the rudest, filthiest mind usually wins. Tears of laughter caused flash flooding a number of times but everybody left the game more educated than three hours before. It was my first time playing but I quickly worked out if you have a card that mentions genitalia you are a good chance to win. Team the cards with a food accompaniment of jubes, salted cashews and red wine (because we haven’t had our fill today) and you can’t lose.
For anybody who is still wondering about my friend’s blood levels, rest easy. They have been restored to a healthy range. His shoes have also been superglued together and are expected to hold for a few more days.
