At breakfast one morning we were told by a local that, “If you go hungry in Taiwan you are an idiot.” He wasn’t wrong, it is the thing that brings people together and in Taiwan it is always within arm’s-reach. Whether it’s the local day or night markets, family owned restaurants that have stood the test of time, foodcarts or something a bit fancier there is enough to satisfy the pickiest of eaters.
And if our activities didn’t involve food, walking or lanterns you could bet that we were in a park. I’d be relaxing, either reading a book, people gazing or catching up with the happenings back home via the wonders of modern technology. If my friend wasn’t spotting the local squirrels he was exercising with the help of a makeshift chin up bar or performing dips on an unused park bench. Realistically our roles should have been reversed as I needed the exercise more than him. Most people have “cheat days” as an excuse to overindulge when attempting to improve their fitness. My friend could endure a “cheat month” and still have no difficulty lifting a small family car (complete with small family) above his shoulders.
Often we would find ourselves at a Family Mart or 7-Eleven which are on each street corner. Being Australian, one of the first things that was strange was the distinct lack of supermarkets. Fortunately these two chains fill this void. Enjoy anything from water to a beer, dumplings to daicon, salad to sushi. Pay your bills, top up your travel cards and in some locations you can drop off laundry and have a shower. Meals can be eaten in store on semi-comfortable stools. Order a prepackaged meal and the cashier will heat it up in their oven and deliver it to your table with the required cutlery.
They kept me caffeinated for two weeks while my travelling companion sought out their packaged boiled eggs in his daily quest to eat as much protein as possible. If eggs weren’t available he would move one rung up the foodchain and eat a poached chicken breast (or five). Short of hunting down a T-Rex this was his best source of protein and these two staples became the cornerstones of his food pyramid. And nothing washes away that lingering hard boiled egg scent than hydrochloric acid, but with that being in short supply he found a flavoured vodka worked wonders. Every healthy eating plan has its limits.
I gave the eggs a try but I fell in love with their lemon tarts. As I tried explaining, there has been multiple rounds of killer bird flu before in Asia, but there is no record of a citrus pastry pandemic. If anything, one of these would contain an outbreak of scurvy quicker than a cattledog. For something mass produced the Family Mart team somehow manage to capture a homely taste, giving you the impression they were made by your Mum (if your Mum is a world-renowned French pastry chef). Multiple attempts have since attempted to reverse engineer the recipe using both the internet and my photos. No luck as yet, but everybody needs a goal in life.
One could escape the rain in these stores by bunkering down for a few good hours and easily pass the time. If you were heading to a 7-Eleven in Australia you would have to contact an international hedge fund first before picking up a few staples (Slurpees excluded). In Taiwain a pocket full of loose change will buy a hearty main meal, dessert, some snacks and a couple of drinks.
The night markets were always a sure fire winner. Taipei’s version of alfresco dining. Bustling but orderly. Every district had their own markets and each with a subtle difference. Of all the food on offer the pepper bun was the zenith. Buns stuffed with meat, herbs and spices are good in any language (other than the language we were using). When these are placed in a roaring hot cylindrical oven you just know they are going to be good. Don’t take my word for it, contact the team who pass out the Michelin stars. Team Pepper Bun have more stars than the astrology column in the local rag.
My friend was enamoured with the peanut icecream roll. Scoops of icecream on ricepaper and topped with shaved peanut and covered in coriander. Sure, half the population will take one bite and their windpipe will start closing over, but there are worse ways to go.
For those with allergies Rou Jia Mou (translates to meat sandwich) would be better for your long-term health (but only by a matter of months). Meat that has been cooked up on a grill with some spice and placed into a flaky pastry bun.
After a week in Taipei it was time to head to Tainan, a southern city that in a previous life was the capital of Taiwan. The high speed train was our preferred method. Not only is it comfortable and clean, it felt like we were watching a travel documentary on fast forward. Ninety minutes at close to 300km/hr for less than sixty dollars. Sure beats walking.
One thing that caught my attention was the ominous roar of some jet planes overhead. I have never seen anything travel so quickly. During the time in Tainan we came across these jets four or five times. I tried snapping a photo but the pesky clouds got in the way. Probably a good thing because I may have been thrown into the big house on some trumped up international espionage charges? If they were trying to find two tourists they could have saved themselves a few million dollars by just cooking a couple of scallion pancakes.
There’s plenty to see and chew in this part of the country. We started with with a savoury sticky rice dumpling (zongzi). Covered in crushed peanuts and a satay sauce it will close up your airways quicker than a covering your face with duct tape. Thought it best to order some danzai noodles, pork zongzi and a spiced egg just in case some weird rash breaks out. I must admit at this stage my relationship with gelatinous pork cuts was wearing thin.
Late night cravings were taken care of by Grandma Bai. Her corner shop is open till late and you can chew on a pineapple bun on the bench next to Heath Ledger’s Joker dressed as Ronald McDonald. The pineapple bun is a Taiwanese classic, a bread roll covered with a sweet blanket of butter and flour before it is baked and then served with a chunk of ice cold butter in the middle. And if you are looking for any trace of pineapple you won’t find any. The “pineapple” name is due to the to the cracked appearance of the butter and flour on the top after is baked. My friend was the guinea pig and claims his heart hasn’t fluttered that much since the local Blue Light Disco in the early 1990s.
A place we visited on more than one occasion had noodles in every form imaginable. Beef noodles, dumplings and soups all made from scratch. The only drawback was the wonky tables on the sloping footpath. The broth was highly recommended (the bit that didn’t end up in our laps).
My love for bao buns is no secret. As a former record holder for bao consumption you could imagine my joy when we stumbled across Baoximatou. Wall to wall buns and bao clambering to be inhaled. Flavours included chocolate, custard, coffee, taro, peanut butter, red bean etc. Each one was tasty, my only issue was the quantity. After all that chewing I felt like I had swallowed a mattress, two pillows and a comforter.
The hotel in Tainan is the best of the trip. It has everything you could need and a few things you don’t. My room had a phone in the toilet. If you need a phone in the toilet maybe you should have a good hard think about your diet? And if you are making a work call on the throne it can only end badly. Not only do you have to constantly battle the echo of the enclosed area, there are involuntary bodily noises and the lack of a pen should you need to scribble a note (though the toilet paper could suffice for a sheet of A4 at a pinch).
The list of house rules raised a few eyebrows, especially rule #4. Maybe the free “condom and lubricant” was the reasoning behind the toilet phone? To clear up any questions the phone was not used in either case.
We heeded the wise man’s advice about not going hungry because we didn’t want to be called “idiots” (or it’s Mandarin translation) by the locals, however if they realised the extent of our gluttony they would be well within their rights to call us something far worse.
Hotel: Dynasty Hotel, Chenggong Rd, North District, Tainan City, Taiwan 704
