With the possibility of Taiwan being the battleground for the next major world conflict, I thought it best to pay a visit before the United States and China start flexing their muscles in the South China Sea.  Better to experience it now than in five years time when maybe I’d be greeted by a big hole in the ground, filled partly with remnants of semi-conductors and scorched rice.  Thankfully the airline’s online ticket booking algorithm disregarded my macabre prediction and rewarded me with return flights from Brisbane including a stopover in Hong Kong and a pocketful of change for $1000!  

Time to put the call out to friends for a travel buddy. Other than carpooling I haven’t travelled with anyone for over fifteen years but if things turn nasty my thinking is an army of two is better than one.  My best friend was conscripted to this adventure, hopefully our forty years of friendship will be able to weather possible food posioning, stressful airport transfers and a haphazardly planned itinerary?  I feel safer knowing he is familar with the movies Saving Private Ryan, Apocalypse Now and Dunkirk in case international relations get heated over the next few weeks.

Our first hiccup was getting to the airport.  Not that our logistical skills were shonky, it was Mother Nature who conspired against us, raining on our parade.  My friend had used a series of Chinese burns and good old fashioned blackmail to call in a favour, our late night transfer to the airport. At the exact moment she pulled up the rain increased in intensity. Through the deluge I could barely see our chariot, a new model Volvo. Having the longest legs I defaulted to the passenger seat.  Meanwhile my friend forgot to close his back seat passenger door while he was struggling with the luggage in the boot.  The newish leather seats were no match for the deluge.  

Water levels were rising fast, my footwell was becoming a lagoon. At this rate the seat warmers will soon be like an element in a kettle, morphing the car into a mobile hot tub.  Eventually he made his way to the soggy back seat and twenty minutes later we were safely at the airport.  A quick thankyou/apology to our driver after grabbing our belongings – then a quick prayer that she was insured for water damage as the mould won’t become noticeable until we are back in the country.

We’ve all experienced the frustration and challenges of packing the boot of the car – trying to fit the contents of a three storey house into the back of a Toyota Corolla. Imagine this was a school musical with me playing the part of the house contents, and let’s swap the Corolla for an ill-fitting economy aisle seat. To think I actually paid money for the privilege of this eight hour torture session.  After being crammed into a ball the lack of blood flow will render my legs numb, making it easier to sleep.  But not before a game of Guess Who, UNO and Battleship with my friend across the aisle before dinner arrived.

Landing in Taipei was a pleasant experience.  Not only had circulation returned to my arms and legs but there was no need to haggle on the price of a taxi to the hotel.  Normally you are at the mercy of the transport Gods, but not this time. We secured a taxi and I took in the maze of roads and greenery from the backseat. Our driver’s steering wheel was surrounded with three mobile phones – one relaying directions, one showing him the different views for the thirteen different cameras attached to the car and the other contained the windows from a Zoom call with his fellow cabbies who also had outward facing cameras.  His cabbie chat looked like excerpts from a road safety campaign highlighting a series of near misses.  But our new friend was wearing a distinguished hat teamed with a collared shirt so I felt safe in the back seat.

We got to our hotel promptly and within budget, leaving us on the side of the footpath infront of our hotel to fend for ourselves. But not before a series of head nods and awkward handshakes that ended with us all flashing toothy smiles.

Paralysed by an abundance of options we took the easy way out and opted for the first place we saw. A hole in the wall that specialises in breads, including the much sought after scallion pancake would be warming and filling.  Between us we tried to cover most of the menu, the genus of which would be best described as “meat in dough”. Given a series of plastic bags and directed towards a couple of flimsy chairs on the sidewalk, a quick mental arithmetic meant that I would need to eat standing.  That chair could not handle the forces that I could put it through. 

The scallion pancake wasn’t the best example of this national icon but the other offerings more than filled the void.  With kimchi juice running down my arm and staining my face we went to the nearest 7-Eleven for some bottled water to assist in the cleanup. The customers inside gave us a wide berth, thinking we had taken part in a bloody street brawl.  It was near impossible to convince them otherwise given we had no language skills, It’s unlikely I could coerce a stranger into licking my arm in a foreign country just to prove my point. And there will be some tree hugging person who asks, “Did you pick up your plastic and not leave it on the ground?” Yes, we did so don’t waste your breath asking.  

The night was the first of our many night market experiences.  The mixture of smells had our senses on full alert.  Unlike every other market I have been too, there is nobody pressuring you into eating at their stall.  Everybody is civilised and respectful. After walking past one particular place a number of times the owner gives us a smile and points to an empty seat, complete with a laminated menu translated into puzzling English.  The stars had aligned so we couldn’t refuse?  Their signature dish was oyster pancake, big juicy oysters inside a fried batter.  If you think oysters are like eating clumps of semi-hardened mucus this probably wouldn’t change your mind.  I’m a proud member of the pro-oyster camp and would definitely have had a second helping if not for the other dishes we ordered.  Let the record show my friend was a convert after his first mouthful. 

My initial thoughts on our first day – Taipei is much cleaner than I had anticipated.  It’s not on the sterile Singapore level but everything is very tidy.  How they manage this has me scratching my head, there are no bins anywhere to be seen.  You buy something from a store and you are forced into lugging it with you until you get home.  If you buy too many plastic bottles during the day in monsoon season there’s a constant risk you become buoyant and just float away.  

Time to introduce our heads to the pillows in our hotel rooms, our base for the next 4 nights.  Somewhere between Taringa and Taipei I have been attacked by some form of hungry insect(s).  Anybody know whether this is life threatening?  Guess we will find out in the morning?

Airline: Cathay Pacific

Hotel: Nagahiro Hotel, Zhongshan District, Taipei

Snacks: Lee Bakery, 156 Linsen N Rd, Zhongshan District, Taipei

Dinner: Ningxia Night Market, Datong District, Taipei